Ian Jones

This guy's name sounds like a legend. And we're betting everything on him. He's a Midwestern Mystery Man! With strange and unlikely super-natural powers. He's got a Secret Cave! Thunderbolts fly from his aura. You feel tickly if you get within ten feet of him. Nobody knows how old he is. But everyone knows he's at least a hundred. The trees bow down on his birthday! He knows no pain! And hurls mad boulders.