Tessa Shackleford

Born in Beckley, WV, baby! Tessa, or Grue (taken from the game Zork!), or Dumbkat, or The One-Who-Maketh-The-Finest-Pepperoni-Rolls, is a registered Socialist who has "physical bouts of pain when she hears Tony Orlando." Her artistic theme? "Children: Destroy. Animal: Fix." Her claim to fame? Crashing through a huge pane of glass during a nerf-gun war. She is…the most interesting woman in the world.